Jason 'J.J.' Park: Israel vs. Iran? Or the prime minister vs. the ayatollah? | TribLIVE.com
Please click on the above link to read the original op-ed. The text is reproduced below.
The Israel-Iran conflict is a tit-for-tat. On June 13, Israel struck Iranian nuclear facilities and military leaders. On June 16, an Iranian drone targeted the U.S. Consulate in Erbil, Iraq. On June 22, the U.S. bombed three Iranian nuclear sites. On June 23, Iran bombed Al Udeid Air Base in Qatar and procured Chinese-made Chengdu fighter jets. Then Iran prevented IAEA inspectors from accessing sites.
Israel remains Iran’s arch-nemesis. Those two countries started it, but let’s not forget the ongoing Arab- Israeli conflict. Iran may not have as much in common with its Arab neighbors as they have with each other, but they share a common enemy, and “an enemy of my enemy is my friend.” Perhaps yet another Yom Kippur-type offensive is in the works. We don’t know.
World War III could be in the Middle East. What if, in a reenactment of Cold War tensions, China, Russia and North Korea eventually come to Iran’s aid? Russia and North Korea have signed a mutual aid pact, and China will protect its economic interests in the Strait of Hormuz. Then, could NATO’s 32 member-states get dragged into supporting Israel, along with the U.S.?
Nevertheless, war must be avoided at all costs, because every human being has a right to live in peace. A harsh yet beautiful theme exists in a bygone era in another part of the world. From the novel, “All Quiet on the Western Front,” written by Erich Maria Remarque, a close friend of the protagonist Paul Baumer makes a novel argument. Those who start wars should fight them:
“Kropp on the other hand is a thinker. He proposes that a declaration of war should be a kind of popular festival with entrance- tickets and bands like a bullfight. Then in the arena the ministers and generals of the two countries, dressed in bathing drawers and armed with clubs, can have it out among themselves. Whoever survives, his country wins. That would be much simpler and more just than this arrangement, where the wrong people do the fighting.”
It may seem that this is no time for levity. But with laughter we see war’s ugly gravity; with glee we perceive its graphic horrors; with hilarity we grasp what is at stake. The lesson? War — “destructive conflict” — accomplishes nothing. We should think like Kropp. If the higher-ups fought the wars, we would probably have less of them.
So like “All Quiet on the Western Front,” the United Nations will invite Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Iran Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei to a duel. If both are honorable men, they will agree right away. If either hesitates or refuses, U.N.-sponsored air raids on Beit Aghion or Beit-e Rahbari bomb the dishonorable party into compliance.
Both men strip to shorts and shoes and are led into a boxing ring. Both men are equally tall and weigh the same, but Netanyahu is 77 while the ayatollah is 86. Therefore, Netanyahu gets 8-ounce gloves, while the ayatollah gets 4-ounce gloves. A U.N.-appointed referee from a neutral country (e.g., Costa Rica) will keep the fight fair.
For 10 rounds it is a slugfest. A knockout designates a clear winner. But if it “goes the distance,” then we go to the judges’ scorecards. Those three judges are handpicked by the U.N., sourced from neutral countries (e.g., Bolivia, Mongolia and Botswana). If the prime minister (the ayatollah) wins, then Israel (Iran) wins.
The U.N. calculates a “purse” from all revenue streams: concessions (kosher or halal hot dogs), ticket sales, merchandise (flags and portraits), streaming (in the billions) and Las Vegas-or-Macau gambling. Surprise: winner takes all! All eyes are on the ring. The crowd smells blood. Who gets the glory? Who gains the gold?
Jason “J.J.” Park, a writer based in Los Angeles, earned his PhD from the University of Pittsburgh.
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